koetje
Freaky Bodybuilder
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builderB zei:# When Chuck Norris falls in water, Chuck Norris doesn't get wet. Water gets Chuck Norris.
whahahahaha
Chuck Norris
- Topic starter CitizenD
- Startdatum
- Recente activiteit Recente activiteit:
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- Tags
- chuck norris
whahahahaha
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spiertje16
Monstrous Giant
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builderB zei:# When Chuck Norris falls in water, Chuck Norris doesn't get wet. Water gets Chuck Norris.
j354j4
Competitive Bodybuilder
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One time in an airport a guy accidently called Chuck Norris "Chick Norris". He explained it was an honest mistake and apologized profusely. Chuck accepted his apology and politely signed an autograph. Nine months later, the guy's wife gave birth to a bearded baby. The guy knew exactly what had happened, and blames nobody but himself.
deze is de allerbeste..
deze is de allerbeste..
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hafid
Cool Novice
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De meeste uitspraken ken ik al, maar blijf het toch prachtig vinden als ik ze nog een keer zie.
Wisten jullie trouwens dat er een heus Chuck Norris cartoon was in de jaren tachtig. Bekijk vooral de intro
http://www.retrojunk.com/details_tvshows/49-chuck-norris-karate-kommandos/
Wisten jullie trouwens dat er een heus Chuck Norris cartoon was in de jaren tachtig. Bekijk vooral de intro
http://www.retrojunk.com/details_tvshows/49-chuck-norris-karate-kommandos/
boerenkool
Freaky Bodybuilder
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- Lid sinds
- 25 mrt 2004
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OMFG!!!!!!!hafid zei:De meeste uitspraken ken ik al, maar blijf het toch prachtig vinden als ik ze nog een keer zie.
Wisten jullie trouwens dat er een heus Chuck Norris cartoon was in de jaren tachtig. Bekijk vooral de intro
http://www.retrojunk.com/details_tvshows/49-chuck-norris-karate-kommandos/
supreme
Ripped Bodybuilder
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builderB zei:# When Chuck Norris falls in water, Chuck Norris doesn't get wet. Water gets Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris kan toch helemaal niet vallen ? Laat staan in het water
boerenkool
Freaky Bodybuilder
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supreme zei:
Chuck Norris never falls. Before he can fall, he roundhouse kicks the earth into its right position: right under his feet.
Gouwetonny
Ripped Bodybuilder
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- 7 okt 2003
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- 3.772
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- 315
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- 1m80
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- 90kg
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- 11%
Top 10 Anti-Chuck Norris Facts
1. Chuck Norris' semen cures cancer. Too bad he has AIDS.
2. Chuck Norris does not sleep. He lies awake in regret.
3. Chuck Norris is currently suing ABC, claiming Hope & Faith are trademarked names for his left and right breasts.
4. The chief export of Chuck Norris is diarrhea.
5. If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris, you may not realize how much he's actually aged.
6. Chuck Norris attempted to count to infinity. Backwards. He didn't know where to start.
7. Chuck Norris does not hunt because the word hunting implies the chance of success. Chuck Norris wanders around aimlessly with a gun.
8. Chuck Norris' blood type is AK-47. The gun. It is compatible only with bullets. Chuck Norris is full of holes.
9. Chuck Norris is 1/8th Grand Cherokee. This has nothing to do with ancestry, the man drives a ****ing Jeep.
10. In fine print on the last page of the Farmers' Almanac it notes that annual rainfall figures do not include the tears shed by Chuck Norris, and the figures listed in the book are simply the closest anyone has gotten to subtracting out such overwhelming excess.
11. There is a double chin behind Chuck Norris' beard. No wonder he doesn't shave.
When God was dealing stupidity, Chuck Norris told a r*tard in line, "No cuts, no butts! Okay, just butts."
The National Weather Service once mistakenly issued a Volcano Warning in response to Chuck Norris flushing his toilet.
Chuck Norris likes to get a good night's sleep...with as many men as possible.
Chuck Norris loves hemorrhoids. He calls them "speed bumps."
When Chuck Norris gets angry, he finds a revolving door and attempts to slam it shut. Inevitably, the door swings around and kicks his ass.
Chuck Norris once decided to donate sperm, but Heath Ledger refused to take it.
Chuck Norris once lost to Lance Armstrong in a sperm count.
Chuck Norris’ farts smell like Vaseline.
Chuck Norris has never ridden a bull as hard as he has ridden a c**k.
Contrary to popular belief, Chuck Norris learned the roundhouse kick not from Bruce Lee, but by jumping up and twirling around in vain, attempting to unwedge his panties from his ass.
Chuck Norris punctuates all his roundhouse kicks with a period. The bloody kind.
Chuck Norris thinks Hooters is an exclusive hangout for people with huge pick-up trucks.
There once was a man from Nantucket,
His d*ck was so long he could suck it,
He said with a grin,
As he tickled his chin,
If my ass was a p*ssy Chuck Norris would **** it.
Chuck Norris founded the PEE PEE Wax Club, but was later kicked out after he waxed his penis down to nothing.
Jonathan Ned Katz wanted Chuck Norris to use a condom, but he used a water balloon instead.
Chuck Norris is the leading cause of abstinence.
There are indeed horses hung like Chuck Norris. These horses die alone.
Chuck Norris' back is so hairy that even Persian women are turned off. But the men love it.
Chuck Norris' burps smell like semen.
Chuck Norris impaled the man from Nantucket with his own penis just to hold the title "Most d**ks Sucked...EVER!"
Chuck Norris once tried snorting Coke, but the ice cubes got stuck in his nose.
Chuck Norris once tried to get with Reese Witherspoon. She considered him "Legally Small Penised."
Mr. T pities the fool. Chuck Norris pities Mr. T.
Chuck Norris fans are upset because Anti-Chuck Norris fans don't spend hours coming up with witty rebounds. They just remember flicking through "Walker, Texas Ranger" and coming up with thousands of true, funny things to say about Chuck Norris. For instance, Chuck Norris is a martial artist who wears a cowboy hat in Texas and sports a ginger beard and tight jeans.
Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked a midget and it burst into 25 gold coins. Chuck Norris was pissed off because you can't have coïtus with 25 gold coins.
The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain. Too bad his penchant for $800 platinum c**k rings prevents him from being able to afford to pay the tariffs.
In Pac-Man, Chuck Norris does not lose lives, they simply go on coffee breaks.
Chuck Norris really DOES know the meaning of "Just Say No," because he just says no all the time...to women.
Chuck Norris is so great, he doesn't need to hurt the author of Anti-Chuck Norris facts. He's too busy having coïtus with his wife and three daughters.
When Chuck Norris is in a crowded area, he doesn't walk around people. He walks through them. Chuck Norris is but a ghost.
Chuck Norris' mom was in labor for three more days following his birth: one for his ego, one for his intelligence, and one for his talent. The latter two were stillborns from lack of oxygen. Only Chuck Norris' ego survived.
Chuck Norris cries himself to sleep every night, then wakes up to the sounds of his own cries.
Chuck Norris once took a spoon to the Super Bowl.
David Carradine, using his "l33t" Shaolin skills, can kill Chuck Norris with his mind, then separate Chuck Norris from his body to kick his ghost's ass.
One time, while watching gay porn, Chuck Norris swallowed his remote control because he thought it would feel good on the way out.
Chuck Norris was disowned by his father when it was discovered Chuck Norris could do the splits before learning to walk.
Chuck Norris' real name is Carlos Ray Norris, Jr.
If you Google search "Chuck Norris getting his ass kicked" you will generate over 450,000 results. It's just a fact. This page will be in the top five because Chuck Norris is easily broken down into a self-fulfilling prophecy.
As a teen, Chuck Norris impregnated every nun in a convent tucked away in the hills of Tuscany. Nine months later, the nuns gave birth to the 1976 Buccaneers, the worst team in NFL history, finishing their season 0-14 and losing by an average of 20 points per game. They were also shut out five times that season.
Chuck Norris can believe it's not butter.
The only number Chuck Norris can divide by is 0, because Chuck Norris is the definition of nothing.
Chuck Norris has yet to find the G-spot. Scientists find it perplexing that Chuck Norris doesn't know his way around his vagina.
When they asked Chuck Norris to be in Brokeback Mountain 2 he simply said "How many coïtus scenes?"
Chuck Norris once asked a group of people, "What's white, sticky, and falling from the sky?" Chuck Norris then licked his lips, rubbed his hands, and replied "The cumming of the Lord."
If Chuck Norris has ****ed every woman in the world, then he has done his own mom.
A 7-year-old blind boy once found Waldo before Chuck Norris.
When Chuck Norris jumps in a pond, Chuck Norris doesn't get wet, the water gets terrified.
Chuck Norris auditioned for the T-800 part in the Terminator, but was refuted when it was discovered that he was part man, part cyborg himself. Capitalizing on the machine he was made out of, Chuck Norris assembled official Chuck Norris dildos with self-described "12 inches of action and excitement!"
Chuck Norris is the Rump Ranger.
Chuck Norris was in the Hitler Youth.
Chuck Norris has 11 scrapbooks full of "Love Is" cartoons.
There are now over 100 official coïtus "maneuvers" popular in the gay community known simply as "The Chuck Norris."
Chuck Norris once completed a roundhouse kick so powerfully that all the hair from the top of his head ended up on his face. This is also the origin of his cowboy hat, a mark of shame.
A shepherd once accidentally spilled his coffee on Chuck Norris' lap and refused to apologize. Chuck Norris went to the man's field and ****ed every one of his sheep. Chuck Norris wasn't trying to get back at him, he just loves to **** sheep.
Chuck Norris shampoos with conditioner, and then actually repeats.
If you yell "Chuck Norris" into the Grand Canyon, it echoes back "is a p*ssy."
Chuck Norris lives on an island surrounded by a sea of his own tears.
If you say "Chuck Norris" into a mirror ten times on Friday the 13th, Chuck Norris will show up behind you with an axe. Then he'll try to sell you the axe to support his various substance addictions.
Chuck Norris tattooed "No day butt today" on his ass, partly because of the pun, but mainly because he loves "Rent."
Chuck Norris was kicked out of the CIA because he was unable to come up with a better codename than "Nuck Chorris." To add injury to insult, it was a roundhouse kick.
Chuck Norris, on the set of Sidekicks, asked Jonathan Brandis to tone down his acting skills so that Chuck Norris wouldn't look so bad. Chuck Norris used the third person in an attempt to trick Jonathan Brandis into thinking the request was not at the behest of Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris was once seen following a girl out of a bedroom at a party saying, "Listen, I'm sorry, that doesn't usually happen..."
Chuck Norris has a signed poster of Vin Diesel directly above his bed. Sadly, Chuck Norris does not realize that the signature is a mass-produced mechanical replica.
Chuck Norris always pours his beer into a glass before drinking it. He giggles like a schoolboy when the glass produces head, then slurps it down like a fag.
Chuck Norris is the driving force behind Chuck Norris facts. He has even been caught in public speaking in the third person.
Chuck Norris' iPod has "Princess" written in Swarofsky crystals on it.
Chuck Norris lost custody of his children in an arm wrestling match with Bea Arthur.
Uncle Jesse's mullet once won a knife fight against Chuck Norris. Uncle Jesse's mullet didn't have a knife.
Chuck Norris can't have a dog because dogs are allergic to Chuck Norris.
meer op http://www.pointsincase.com/anti_chuck_facts.htm
1. Chuck Norris' semen cures cancer. Too bad he has AIDS.
2. Chuck Norris does not sleep. He lies awake in regret.
3. Chuck Norris is currently suing ABC, claiming Hope & Faith are trademarked names for his left and right breasts.
4. The chief export of Chuck Norris is diarrhea.
5. If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris, you may not realize how much he's actually aged.
6. Chuck Norris attempted to count to infinity. Backwards. He didn't know where to start.
7. Chuck Norris does not hunt because the word hunting implies the chance of success. Chuck Norris wanders around aimlessly with a gun.
8. Chuck Norris' blood type is AK-47. The gun. It is compatible only with bullets. Chuck Norris is full of holes.
9. Chuck Norris is 1/8th Grand Cherokee. This has nothing to do with ancestry, the man drives a ****ing Jeep.
10. In fine print on the last page of the Farmers' Almanac it notes that annual rainfall figures do not include the tears shed by Chuck Norris, and the figures listed in the book are simply the closest anyone has gotten to subtracting out such overwhelming excess.
11. There is a double chin behind Chuck Norris' beard. No wonder he doesn't shave.
When God was dealing stupidity, Chuck Norris told a r*tard in line, "No cuts, no butts! Okay, just butts."
The National Weather Service once mistakenly issued a Volcano Warning in response to Chuck Norris flushing his toilet.
Chuck Norris likes to get a good night's sleep...with as many men as possible.
Chuck Norris loves hemorrhoids. He calls them "speed bumps."
When Chuck Norris gets angry, he finds a revolving door and attempts to slam it shut. Inevitably, the door swings around and kicks his ass.
Chuck Norris once decided to donate sperm, but Heath Ledger refused to take it.
Chuck Norris once lost to Lance Armstrong in a sperm count.
Chuck Norris’ farts smell like Vaseline.
Chuck Norris has never ridden a bull as hard as he has ridden a c**k.
Contrary to popular belief, Chuck Norris learned the roundhouse kick not from Bruce Lee, but by jumping up and twirling around in vain, attempting to unwedge his panties from his ass.
Chuck Norris punctuates all his roundhouse kicks with a period. The bloody kind.
Chuck Norris thinks Hooters is an exclusive hangout for people with huge pick-up trucks.
There once was a man from Nantucket,
His d*ck was so long he could suck it,
He said with a grin,
As he tickled his chin,
If my ass was a p*ssy Chuck Norris would **** it.
Chuck Norris founded the PEE PEE Wax Club, but was later kicked out after he waxed his penis down to nothing.
Jonathan Ned Katz wanted Chuck Norris to use a condom, but he used a water balloon instead.
Chuck Norris is the leading cause of abstinence.
There are indeed horses hung like Chuck Norris. These horses die alone.
Chuck Norris' back is so hairy that even Persian women are turned off. But the men love it.
Chuck Norris' burps smell like semen.
Chuck Norris impaled the man from Nantucket with his own penis just to hold the title "Most d**ks Sucked...EVER!"
Chuck Norris once tried snorting Coke, but the ice cubes got stuck in his nose.
Chuck Norris once tried to get with Reese Witherspoon. She considered him "Legally Small Penised."
Mr. T pities the fool. Chuck Norris pities Mr. T.
Chuck Norris fans are upset because Anti-Chuck Norris fans don't spend hours coming up with witty rebounds. They just remember flicking through "Walker, Texas Ranger" and coming up with thousands of true, funny things to say about Chuck Norris. For instance, Chuck Norris is a martial artist who wears a cowboy hat in Texas and sports a ginger beard and tight jeans.
Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked a midget and it burst into 25 gold coins. Chuck Norris was pissed off because you can't have coïtus with 25 gold coins.
The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain. Too bad his penchant for $800 platinum c**k rings prevents him from being able to afford to pay the tariffs.
In Pac-Man, Chuck Norris does not lose lives, they simply go on coffee breaks.
Chuck Norris really DOES know the meaning of "Just Say No," because he just says no all the time...to women.
Chuck Norris is so great, he doesn't need to hurt the author of Anti-Chuck Norris facts. He's too busy having coïtus with his wife and three daughters.
When Chuck Norris is in a crowded area, he doesn't walk around people. He walks through them. Chuck Norris is but a ghost.
Chuck Norris' mom was in labor for three more days following his birth: one for his ego, one for his intelligence, and one for his talent. The latter two were stillborns from lack of oxygen. Only Chuck Norris' ego survived.
Chuck Norris cries himself to sleep every night, then wakes up to the sounds of his own cries.
Chuck Norris once took a spoon to the Super Bowl.
David Carradine, using his "l33t" Shaolin skills, can kill Chuck Norris with his mind, then separate Chuck Norris from his body to kick his ghost's ass.
One time, while watching gay porn, Chuck Norris swallowed his remote control because he thought it would feel good on the way out.
Chuck Norris was disowned by his father when it was discovered Chuck Norris could do the splits before learning to walk.
Chuck Norris' real name is Carlos Ray Norris, Jr.
If you Google search "Chuck Norris getting his ass kicked" you will generate over 450,000 results. It's just a fact. This page will be in the top five because Chuck Norris is easily broken down into a self-fulfilling prophecy.
As a teen, Chuck Norris impregnated every nun in a convent tucked away in the hills of Tuscany. Nine months later, the nuns gave birth to the 1976 Buccaneers, the worst team in NFL history, finishing their season 0-14 and losing by an average of 20 points per game. They were also shut out five times that season.
Chuck Norris can believe it's not butter.
The only number Chuck Norris can divide by is 0, because Chuck Norris is the definition of nothing.
Chuck Norris has yet to find the G-spot. Scientists find it perplexing that Chuck Norris doesn't know his way around his vagina.
When they asked Chuck Norris to be in Brokeback Mountain 2 he simply said "How many coïtus scenes?"
Chuck Norris once asked a group of people, "What's white, sticky, and falling from the sky?" Chuck Norris then licked his lips, rubbed his hands, and replied "The cumming of the Lord."
If Chuck Norris has ****ed every woman in the world, then he has done his own mom.
A 7-year-old blind boy once found Waldo before Chuck Norris.
When Chuck Norris jumps in a pond, Chuck Norris doesn't get wet, the water gets terrified.
Chuck Norris auditioned for the T-800 part in the Terminator, but was refuted when it was discovered that he was part man, part cyborg himself. Capitalizing on the machine he was made out of, Chuck Norris assembled official Chuck Norris dildos with self-described "12 inches of action and excitement!"
Chuck Norris is the Rump Ranger.
Chuck Norris was in the Hitler Youth.
Chuck Norris has 11 scrapbooks full of "Love Is" cartoons.
There are now over 100 official coïtus "maneuvers" popular in the gay community known simply as "The Chuck Norris."
Chuck Norris once completed a roundhouse kick so powerfully that all the hair from the top of his head ended up on his face. This is also the origin of his cowboy hat, a mark of shame.
A shepherd once accidentally spilled his coffee on Chuck Norris' lap and refused to apologize. Chuck Norris went to the man's field and ****ed every one of his sheep. Chuck Norris wasn't trying to get back at him, he just loves to **** sheep.
Chuck Norris shampoos with conditioner, and then actually repeats.
If you yell "Chuck Norris" into the Grand Canyon, it echoes back "is a p*ssy."
Chuck Norris lives on an island surrounded by a sea of his own tears.
If you say "Chuck Norris" into a mirror ten times on Friday the 13th, Chuck Norris will show up behind you with an axe. Then he'll try to sell you the axe to support his various substance addictions.
Chuck Norris tattooed "No day butt today" on his ass, partly because of the pun, but mainly because he loves "Rent."
Chuck Norris was kicked out of the CIA because he was unable to come up with a better codename than "Nuck Chorris." To add injury to insult, it was a roundhouse kick.
Chuck Norris, on the set of Sidekicks, asked Jonathan Brandis to tone down his acting skills so that Chuck Norris wouldn't look so bad. Chuck Norris used the third person in an attempt to trick Jonathan Brandis into thinking the request was not at the behest of Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris was once seen following a girl out of a bedroom at a party saying, "Listen, I'm sorry, that doesn't usually happen..."
Chuck Norris has a signed poster of Vin Diesel directly above his bed. Sadly, Chuck Norris does not realize that the signature is a mass-produced mechanical replica.
Chuck Norris always pours his beer into a glass before drinking it. He giggles like a schoolboy when the glass produces head, then slurps it down like a fag.
Chuck Norris is the driving force behind Chuck Norris facts. He has even been caught in public speaking in the third person.
Chuck Norris' iPod has "Princess" written in Swarofsky crystals on it.
Chuck Norris lost custody of his children in an arm wrestling match with Bea Arthur.
Uncle Jesse's mullet once won a knife fight against Chuck Norris. Uncle Jesse's mullet didn't have a knife.
Chuck Norris can't have a dog because dogs are allergic to Chuck Norris.
meer op http://www.pointsincase.com/anti_chuck_facts.htm
Marijn
Ripped Bodybuilder
- Lid sinds
- 17 jan 2005
- Berichten
- 4.235
- Waardering
- 13
- Lengte
- 1m76
- Massa
- 82kg
